a musing ames

My academic interests have taken an unexpected turn: into the realm of law and history that deals specifically with women. I guess it shouldn’t be a surprise. I am, after all, a woman. But more importantly, over the last two and a half years I have really been seeking God’s guidance in what that means. After reading Genesis 1:27 in a new light, I couldn’t keep saying that the differences between men and women were minimal and insignificant. I embarked on understanding what unique way God may have for me, as a woman, to reflect His image.

But I didn’t think this spiritual, and even social, pursuit would bleed into my intellectual sphere. This semester, it did. For my masters degree (and my law degree, I guess), I took two different constitutional history classes, one on the history of the constitution during the 20th century, and the other specifically on the first forty years of the 20th century. And in both classes, the cases and readings that were most interesting to me were those that had to do with women. (Granted, we didn’t do very much reading on religion and the constitution. I suppose that will have to wait for another semester or independent study.)

Illustrative story: To kill some time before one of these classes, I started doing reading for the other one for the next day. As I read an account of women’s struggle to gain the right to vote in the early part of the past century, when I reached the part where the last state needed finally approved the Nineteenth Amendment to the Constitution, I teared up. I quickly cleared my eyes before the rest of my classmates entered the room, seeing as I was only one of two women in the whole class and such displays of emotion are not looked upon well in the legal academy.

Now, all though my exams are over, I still have a paper to write. And I’m writing it on the way that the law regulated women between 1924 and 1937. I won’t get into the details (no one wants to read about them on a blog, trust me). But as I am pouring through the secondary sources, searching for evidence to support my thesis, I’m finding myself utterly confused.

As I read about these laws that were “protective” in nature, some women academics are complaining that these laws were sneaky ways for men to keep women down. Other women authors acknowledge that they ended up having a discriminatory effect, but that it was accidental. The latter tends to be the view I side with. But what gets me is that the former gets so bent out of shape about these laws forgetting one thing: it was women who lobbied for them to be passed! Men (business owners and the like) were actually opposed to the protective legislation because it was too expensive to implement.

Dealing with how the law treats women in different circumstances is still a controversial question in society and constitutional law. There are many who are in support of a doctrine that would say that men and women must be treated equally. Some don’t want formal equality because they think that women will lose their privileged status in society.

Where I stand, I’m still not quite sure. But it brings me back to that day God revealed to me something I’d never seen before in Genesis 1:27. Yes, men and women were created equal, created in the image of God. But, we were created different. The differences are important. How secular law should reflect this fundamental reality, I still don’t know. But I have a feeling that figuring that out might be one reason that I’m in law school.

Yesterday I made the most amazing discovery of my law school career (which is, by the way, only a week and a half shy of being halfway over): horn books.

Now, I had heard of horn books before. My first semester, the lady at the law bookstore encouraged me to buy one for my criminal law class. When she said I wouldn’t have any assignments out of it, I wondered, “why would I buy a book I don’t have to read?” and kindly declined the offer.

As that first semester wore on, I heard more about horn books. They were good for finding black letter law. In fact, in judicial opinions, if the judge thinks the law is clear, she will often write, “it is horn book law that…” But they seemed to have a bad reputation with my professors. They may help you understand the basics, but not the analysis of the case. If we were studying the way we were supposed to, most of our professors said, we would have no need for horn books. So I smuggly patted myself on the back for not buying the crim horn book.

At the end of that semester, turns out I did alright (the lowest grade being the crim class), but, I dismissed horn books as something I would never use in my law school experience because they were a needless crutch.

Fast-forward to today. I have a Civil Rights Litigation Exam an hour the time I am writing this post. I’ve gone to all of the classes, and have found the material interesting. But I knew there were somethings from early in the semester that I didn’t have a firm grasp on. In addition to the fact that 50% of my class is on Law Review, I was worried my lack of familiarity with the subject matter would have a negative impact on my grade. Remember, law school exams are often 100% of your final grade, and graded on a mandatory curve.

The last day, I noticed that there were a number of people in the class with a horn book. I went to the bookstore to check it out for myself, but when I saw that it was over $60 and I really only needed a couple of chapters from it, I again thought it would be a useless crutch. But after four days of study from my book and notes, I knew that I needed something to fill in the gaps. I went to the library, got the horn book out of the reserve room and made the necessary copies.

As I went through the materials, I wondered, why haven’t I ever used one of these before? Everything is spelled out clearly, no obscurity that law textbooks love to include. And it says what happened in each case, the holding, what’s good about it, what’s wrong with it. My whole class was in this book. It was so much better than my textbook for learning the material. I spoke with some friends about it, and they said they had had similar epiphanies about the use of horn books, and thought the professors should just use them instead of textbooks.

As I was contemplating this last night, I thought about how legal studies parallel studying the Bible. Both are exercises in hermeneutics. And the thought comparison gave me pause about the horn book. I would never, never, never tell someone to read a book about the Bible over reading the Bible itself. Yes, they might be helpful to orient yourself with a particular passage or topic of Scripture, but ultimately, you can’t throughout the Bible and just read books about it. You have to keep reading the original source.

As much as we may complain about reading cases, they are the original source–why should I be happy reading a book about the source rather than the source itself? As an historian, this makes sense, you have to read the original. But then again, there is not a divine spirit of legal illumination whispering in my ear the proper case law interpretation that judge will hold me to when I argue a case in court.

So it’s not a perfect parallel. But it has reaffirmed my understanding of the need to feast on the Bible first and foremost, returning to it as the ultimate source. As for horn books, I may still never buy one.  will after all be held accountable for what was in the casebook, not the horn book. But they are quite helpful, and now I know where they are in the library…

Either way, ready or not, I need to get going, and take this exam!

One of my roommates was laughing at me earlier today. I couldn’t find my cell phone. For the second time this week. Or maybe third.

I lose things. All the time. My phone, my wallet, my keys, watches, hair clasps, purses. But I usually find what I’ve lost. It may take a couple minutes (I’ve been late to class because of lost keys more often than I’d like to admit), days, or even weeks, but stuff usually shows up.

So, no doubt that the parables of the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son are among my favorites in the Bible. Studying them out, and reading EGW’s commentary in Christ’s Object Lessons in conjunction with the Bible have greatly impacted my understanding of God’s love for us as well as for our responsibility to others in the church and to God as our Father.

But the normal applications are not on my mind right now. It’s something regarding my most recent lost item.

For Thanksgiving I drove up to Princeton to visit Jo, my roommate from CAMPUS. We did our best to try and get some work done, but also spent time relaxing (which was much needed). After a weekend full of eating, shopping, eating, Jane Austen, eating, and a little work, it was time to go. As I got in my car on Sunday morning, I reached in my purse to pull out my iPod to plug into the car to listen to music on the long journey back down to Virginia. To my shock, it was not there. Jo and I looked through my whole car, my bags, her apartment, and it was no where to be found.

“How sad!” she exclaimed. But I kind of shrugged it off. “Yeah, that stinks, but oh well, what can I do?” I asked myself. But as I sat in traffic that day, limited to the radio or the few CDs in my car, I started getting bored and kept thinking, “I’ll listen to a new podcast” only to remember no iPod. But again, I’d dismiss it and say it was alright, it’s just an electronic gadget after all.

But by the middle of the week, I couldn’t deny it. I missed my iPod! No music to listen to on my walk to school. No calendar reminder. No easy way to check email without lugging around my computer. Why was I bothering with keeping a stiff upper lip? It was something I had invested in, and I valued, I used, but then I’d lost.

What I realized was this: how stupid is it to pretend like losing something that means something to you means nothing to you at all?

Jesus gave us the “lost” parables to learn about how much He values us and how He pursues us. But this experience made me realize something. Even though we were created in His image, God didn’t have to show that He valued us so much. He could have just let us keep on being lost forever. Acted like He didn’t care. But that’s not what He did. He wasn’t afraid to show the His how invested He was in us.

Not that I’m saying I need to be that invested in my iPod. But if anything, I’ve learned, let’s be real about what we value. If the value is wrongly placed, then that’s another issue to address. Not being honest about a bad value, though, won’t fix the problem, it’ll probably make it worse.

Oh, and the end of the story. Jo called me right before the end of the Sabbath. One of the elders found it in the Sabbath School room we were in last week. Turns out it must have fallen out of my bag in there somehow. I told you, things always show up. But let that be another lesson: if you are going to lose something, lose it in the church (see “This Man Receiveth Sinners” in Christ’s Object Lessons, the section about the lost piece of silver).

This semester I have been having Bible studies with one of the Adventist undergrads here at UVa. She wants to learn more about what Adventists believe so she better knows how to answer her friends when they ask. Last week, after we talked about prophecies concerning Jesus, she opened up about the fact that she didn’t know what God wanted her to do with her life.

So this week’s study was dedicated to practical steps to determining God’s Will, especially in the area of choosing a major/profession. I am not wise enough, nor have enough life experience to share authoritatively on the matter. But I do have notes from a wise counselor that helped me think through this process, and which ultimately led me to law school, so I brought them along and we did a Bible study on it and spent some time in the SOP.

As I was preparing, I was reminded again why it is so important to mentor others in the church: through teaching them, God reminds us of lessons that we need to (re)learn. As I was flipping through the chapter “Lifework” in the book Education, I came across this quote that I have underlined, with notes scrawled on the side. The first part that caught my eye said, “Many a man whose talents are adapted for some other calling, is ambitious to enter a profession; and he who might have been successful as a farmer, an artisan, or a nurse, fills inadequately the position of a minister, a lawyer, or a physician” (emphasis added).

I sighed as I read that. I have been wondering a lot whether or not I was seeking a place that was beyond what God had intended for me in coming to law school, and the quote seemed to speak right towards that. But it was the part that was underlined that made me repent: “There are others, again, who might have filled a responsible calling, but who, for want of energy, application, or perseverance, content themselves with an easier place” Education, 267. Scribbled underneath I have written “summary of compenents need for success,” indicating that I had noticed elsewhere in the book that the elements that are necessary for success are energy, application and perseverance.

You see, while I was “successful” in high school and college, it didn’t take much work. I mean I worked, but it didn’t take a lot of perseverance or application to achieve my desired results. There were a couple challenging classes, but I would usually just be satisfied with what I could get in them rather than try to work hard for something better. I knew I had high enough grades in other areas to insulate me from one or two less then excellent grades.

But then I came to law school. And I have to work. Hard. Just to be average. And because I don’t have the same natural talent here that I did in college, it has often caused me to question whether this is where I’m supposed to be. But after reading the quotes, I realize, at heart, I’m lazy. I’d prefer the easy route. Maybe God called me to law school so that I would learn to use my energy not just to apply myself, but also to persevere. I think those are two things that I have lacked in my work ethic up until this point. If it wasn’t natural, I’d just drop it. He’s developing in me a better work ethic.

So I’m thankful for the student asking for help, because her questions have really caused me to evaluate my own life, the path that I’m going down, whether it’s the one God has intended for me, and if I am doing my part in cooperating with divine power.

With finals less than four weeks away, for God’s sake (Isaiah 43:7), I’m praying for energy. I’m praying for application. I’m praying for perseverance.

So help me, God.

According to a recent New York Times article, this is the worst job market for legal employment in 50 years, even for those of us in the elite Top Ten. And I can feel its effects in my job search. And this job search is starting to seem a lot like worldly dating.

I go on date after date (interview after interview), putting on my best clothes, showing my best smile, pulling out my smartest quips and quotes in hopes of charming the guy (firm) into another date (callback interview).

After the initial date (interview), I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I begin turning into one of those mad women who I said I would never become. You know, the ones who check their phone all the time, wondering, “did he call back yet?” “Does he really like me?” “Is he the one?”

Some are courteous enough to let you know it’s not going to happen. He (the firm) lets you know (by sending a short letter) that as great as you are, affirming all of your great qualities (qualifications), things just aren’t going to work out between you two (you’re not getting a callback interview). But it’s not you, it’s him (the firm). He just can’t have that kind of commitment in his life right now (we have no jobs left–at least that we want to give to you). But he hopes you the best, he knows there’s someone who’s right, just for you (keep looking, kid).

And then there are the others. Who don’t get in touch with you. They have the strongest potential to break your heart. Because they haven’t sent a letter, your hopes remain high–they haven’t shut the door of possibility yet. But, you remain anxious, wondering if they too will send a letter, or even worse. A short, abrupt email.

Sigh. As a young woman endeavoring to live a godly life, I determined that I would never get myself trapped into these types of dating relationships. And as far as actual dating goes, avoiding this type of useless drama has been successful. But as aloof as I try to keep myself from the drama of the job hunting process, I realize that in part, I am getting drawn in. Anxiety creeps up. What if I don’t get a job? Why did I decide to go to law school? Why did the economy tank? What am I going to do?

I cannot sit back and wait for a job to come looking for me (trust me, if this were possible, it would be my approach, and considering the lack of resumes that I have sent out over the last few weeks, maybe I’m taking a more “biblical” approach to dating, I mean job searching). But, just as with all other areas of my life, I can trust that God will direct this aspect of my life in His time to the place where He can use me to bring glory to His name.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?…And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? …do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:24-34. (A quick observation from a search on my blog. I realize that this is the passage I quote the most from Scripture. Maybe I should change the name of my blog to “Meditations on Matthew 6:33″ or “Matthew 6 in Practical Living.”)

So, while I know I must follow up with potential employers, explore new avenues of opportunity, I do not have to frantically walk straight to my mailbox after my last class every day, check my phone for missed calls every 10 minutes, or lament with my fellow 2Ls who are going through the same experiences I am. But I do need some accountability, because doing these things has become somewhat of a habit. Sad how there can be comfort in worry because it is something familiar. But I am going on a tangent I’d rather not at this moment. If you think of it, keep me in check, and if I seem to be worrying, remind me the theme of my blog (life) is “How I am Blessed by the Matthew 6 Experience.”