a musing ames

According to a recent New York Times article, this is the worst job market for legal employment in 50 years, even for those of us in the elite Top Ten. And I can feel its effects in my job search. And this job search is starting to seem a lot like worldly dating.

I go on date after date (interview after interview), putting on my best clothes, showing my best smile, pulling out my smartest quips and quotes in hopes of charming the guy (firm) into another date (callback interview).

After the initial date (interview), I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I begin turning into one of those mad women who I said I would never become. You know, the ones who check their phone all the time, wondering, “did he call back yet?” “Does he really like me?” “Is he the one?”

Some are courteous enough to let you know it’s not going to happen. He (the firm) lets you know (by sending a short letter) that as great as you are, affirming all of your great qualities (qualifications), things just aren’t going to work out between you two (you’re not getting a callback interview). But it’s not you, it’s him (the firm). He just can’t have that kind of commitment in his life right now (we have no jobs left–at least that we want to give to you). But he hopes you the best, he knows there’s someone who’s right, just for you (keep looking, kid).

And then there are the others. Who don’t get in touch with you. They have the strongest potential to break your heart. Because they haven’t sent a letter, your hopes remain high–they haven’t shut the door of possibility yet. But, you remain anxious, wondering if they too will send a letter, or even worse. A short, abrupt email.

Sigh. As a young woman endeavoring to live a godly life, I determined that I would never get myself trapped into these types of dating relationships. And as far as actual dating goes, avoiding this type of useless drama has been successful. But as aloof as I try to keep myself from the drama of the job hunting process, I realize that in part, I am getting drawn in. Anxiety creeps up. What if I don’t get a job? Why did I decide to go to law school? Why did the economy tank? What am I going to do?

I cannot sit back and wait for a job to come looking for me (trust me, if this were possible, it would be my approach, and considering the lack of resumes that I have sent out over the last few weeks, maybe I’m taking a more “biblical” approach to dating, I mean job searching). But, just as with all other areas of my life, I can trust that God will direct this aspect of my life in His time to the place where He can use me to bring glory to His name.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?…And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? …do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:24-34. (A quick observation from a search on my blog. I realize that this is the passage I quote the most from Scripture. Maybe I should change the name of my blog to “Meditations on Matthew 6:33″ or “Matthew 6 in Practical Living.”)

So, while I know I must follow up with potential employers, explore new avenues of opportunity, I do not have to frantically walk straight to my mailbox after my last class every day, check my phone for missed calls every 10 minutes, or lament with my fellow 2Ls who are going through the same experiences I am. But I do need some accountability, because doing these things has become somewhat of a habit. Sad how there can be comfort in worry because it is something familiar. But I am going on a tangent I’d rather not at this moment. If you think of it, keep me in check, and if I seem to be worrying, remind me the theme of my blog (life) is “How I am Blessed by the Matthew 6 Experience.”

Rocket at the Kennedy Space Center near Orlando, Florida.

Today marks the 40th anniversary of the first landing on the moon, and those uttered words that we will always remember, “one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”  My mind goes back to a visit at the Kennedy Space Center, where they shared the clip from JFK’s speech that inspired the whole journey into outer space in the first place:

“But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas? We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.”  John F. Kennedy, “We choose to go to the Moon Speech,” September 12, 1962.

The moon.  It was a choice.  People rallied behind it.  It became the single aim of an entire sector of government research and development.  Those who believed in the goal made sacrifices to achieve it, including some who died in the process.  And they made it.  Seven years later, they made it to the surface of the moon.

To me, this illustrates one of my favorite quotes, one that I had to memorize in the fourth grade:

“Remember that you will never reach a higher standard than you yourself set. Then set your mark high, and step by step, even though it be by painful effort, by self-denial and sacrifice, ascend the whole length of the ladder of progress. Let nothing hinder you. Fate has not woven its meshes about any human being so firmly that he need remain helpless and in uncertainty. Opposing circumstances should create a firm determination to overcome them. The breaking down of one barrier will give greater ability and courage to go forward. Press with determination in the right direction, and circumstances will be your helpers, not your hindrances. Be ambitious, for the Master’s glory, to cultivate every grace of character. In every phase of your character building you are to please God. This you may do; for Enoch pleased Him though living in a degenerate age. And there are Enochs in this our day.”  Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 331-332.

Last school year I purchased a new laptop computer, and in the process of transferring files from my old Mac, my photos became disorganized and scattered between different places on my hard drive. I’ve been trying to put them in order for the last few months, but today I realized a simple way to import them all into iPhoto, so all I would have to do is compile them into broad categories.

As I sorted through photos, memory after memory came rushing back through my mind: full-time ministry, canvassing, graduating from college, painting the rock.  The photos stretched back over four years. And all I could think was, “where in the world has all of this time gone?”ti

This made me think of a conversation earlier this week where a friend told another friend that the reason we value time is because we were not made for time to run out, but rather for eternity, and yet our reality does not conform to our design (for now). The Bible says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart.” Ecclesiastes 3:11.

I can truly say that God has made so much in my life beautiful in His time, bringing me into friendships that I value more than anything else in this world. And that concept of eternity is definitely in my heart too. As the last grains quickly slip through the hourglass of this summer, I don’t want it to end.  I love being near to my family, and close to my friends. I cannot imagine this coming to an end.

What seems only a distant dream right now will be reality again when I soon return to Virginia to begin my second year of law school. And I’m tempted to be sad, dejected, depressed.

And yet, one of the verses that came up when our theme for ASC at UM was “Remember” (2005-2006) keeps coming back to mind:

“Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18,19

Telling a historian not to remember seems a futile command. But I appreciate what the text says nonetheless. Yes, God has done incredible things in the past, and I am eternally grateful for those evidences of His kindness in my life. But  He is not finished yet.  He can create a new thing, out of apparent impossibility, something that will also be worth looking back over.

Yes, I will cherish my last two weeks in Michigan (just writing that ties my heart up in knots). But I won’t let the memory keep me from looking forward to see what new thing the Lord is brining. The best is yet to come.

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life—the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us—that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.” 1 John 1:1-4.

I have spent a good part of my summer vacation from law school in the courtroom, not yet practicing as an attorney, but observing proceedings, hearings, and trials as an intern.  One of the trials I was able to observe involved a man who was accused of witness intimidation in another case against him the court.  He was trying to have the witness against him kidnapped so that she could not testify in court.  If she did testify, her eye witness account of what he had done to her would surely convince a jury, causing him to spend a significant portion of his life in jail.

Witnesses are key to proving your case in court.  And as I studied 1 John 1:1-4 last week, I see how important witnesses are even in the Great Controversy.  The book of 1 John was written in part to combat some of the things that were being said at the end of the first century about Jesus that were not correct, ideas of gnosticism and such.  John is establishing that he has the authority to speak, authority to say who Jesus really is because he has witnessed Him, he has experienced Him.

In this day, where people say that Jesus is a great teacher, a moral man, but not the Son of God, the importance for each child of God to have not just an intellectual knowledge of our Lord, but an experience of Him, so we can testify to who He really is.

In the reality that is the Great Controversy, God is on trial.  He is on trial for not being the loving God that Scripture declares Him to be.  The jury is still out for those who have not yet made a decision one way or another for Christ.  As much as Jesus is our lawyer (1 John 2:1), representing us in our judgment before Heaven, we serve as an advocate, a respresentative for God’s character on this earth.  Not just as representatives or lawyers defending Christ, but witnesses to what He has done personally in my life, and in yours.

People are misrepresenting the character of God to the eternal detriment of those who come in contact with the felonious argument.  Can He get a witness to who He really is?

I do not get mad very often.  While I tend to be an emotional creature, anger is not one of the emotions that I frequently experience.  But I remember one time last year, while I did volunteer work as a secular campus missionary, I became angry.  It was a high stress situation, trying to coordinate a large number of students in a new area our team was unfamiliar with and unable to survey ahead of time to determine the best course of action.

I approached a friend to quickly pass an idea by him.  As I was talking, it appeared he was listening, but just when I really needed his feedback, he turned his head and responded to something someone else was saying, and laughed.  Then he turned back and looked at me.  The horrible feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach must have shown clearly on my face, because his complete countenance changed.  I could not believe it, he was not listening to me!  And he’d been listening to someone else!

We reconciled not long after that.  But this experience came back to mind as I was studying Psalm 116: 1-2:

I love the LORD, because He has heard
my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because He inclined His ear to me,
therefore I will call on Him as long as I live.

Knowing that someone is listening changes the way that we interact with them.  How often as a teenager trying to get parental blessing on something we didn’t think they would approve of would we slide the request past them quickly, while they were not paying attention, hoping for that nominal “mm hmmm” and run out the door before they realize what they just granted permission for?

Not so with God.  He is listening.  Anytime, all the time.  He doesn’t just hear.  He inclines His ear.  And this simple characteristic is enough for the psalmist to love the Lord and keep coming back to tell what is going on in his life.

If you know someone is listening to you, it changes what you say, how you say it.  It changes your expectations of the person you are telling.

As I reflect on this portion of Scripture, I realize two things.  First, I take prayer much too casually.  God is not a parent we’re trying to sneak by to get away with what we want.  He cares.  My prayers should reflect the fact that God is not just hearing, He is listening.

Second, because I am created in God’s image, I need to master the art of listening.  According to Psalm 116, a person who listens is a person worth loving.  A loving and lovable Christian is the best argument for the gospel.  So the power of the gospel to transform me must include the power to make me a better listener, which in turn will make me more lovable.  An attribute ingrained in my very being.  Even when a friend is talking my ear off.  Even when I’m the one who really wants to say something.

So, I’m listening.