a musing ames

As a little girl, I believe my mom clearly saw one of my biggest character flaws. Often times, friends would come home with me after school to play. Their parents would come to pick them up, their sudden disappearance leaving toys scattered all over the place. I would complain that I didn’t want to clean up the clutter on my own, and my mom would tell me that the next time they came over, I should demand that they help me clean things up before they go. I resisted, insisting that it wasn’t fair for them, secretly knowing they would dislike me for making such a request. But my mom gave me authorization, which I sometimes wish were still acceptable to use at my current age, “Tell them your Mami told  you to have them help you.” Genius! I would no longer be the bad guy, she gave me permission to make her the target of their unhappiness.

As an adult, I have too have realized that people pleasing is my weakness. I also realized, though, that it has served as a strength at times, in showing hospitality or empathy towards others. I think I started valuing the positive side of the people-pleasing coin to the point that I forgot what types of compromises I can make in the name of the comfort of others.

Until this last week. After seeking some counsel in a situation I thought I may have dealt with poorly, a friend pointed out that I was “sensitive” and “cared a lot about what other people thought,” implying that I probably cared too much (a fair, and probably accurate assessment). People pleaser, rang in my ears.

At another point, I contemplated a decision I had to make for next year and realized that my motive wasn’t faithfulness to God (because faithfulness in this instances would not require me to take the particular action I was contemplating), but rather worrying about what a person at my local church may think. When that realization struck me, again I heard people pleaser ringing in my ears. I stopped and prayed for forgiveness. When I stop and examine my motives for many of the things that I do, I cringe at realizing how many of them are motivated at least in part by a desire to preserve my image and keep those around me happy.

For the last half of this semester, I’ve been reading through John in my devotions. One morning last week, I came to John 12:42-43:

Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.

I began to tear up. There, in the Word of God, I saw myself. One who believes in Jesus, but often doesn’t behave (or misbehave) in the way that I should because I love the glory that comes from man more than that comes from God. The conviction came to a sharper point as I contemplated my current circumstances: as it is finals time (why I only blog during finals, I don’t know), I have began to worry about what my professors will think about my performance in their class more than I worry about God’s perception of my work.

This realization of course reminds of David Asscherick’s message from GYC 2006 in Balitmore, “Because of Those Who Sat.” But I guess what’s striking me more now, is not that I’m always failing to do what’s right because people are watching, but that I find myself doing what’s right because people are watching rather than the fact that God is watching.

I come before the throne of grace as a penitent people pleaser. My only prayer is that I may be able to speak as Jesus did when His family, disappointed in Him for not sticking close by, finally found Him after His first visit to Jerusalem. He talked about His Father. “And He said to them, ‘Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?’” Luke 2:49. He was acting out of fidelity to His Father, and cared only about what He thought.

Maybe my Mami was on to something after all…

“That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life—the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us—that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.” 1 John 1:1-4.

I have spent a good part of my summer vacation from law school in the courtroom, not yet practicing as an attorney, but observing proceedings, hearings, and trials as an intern.  One of the trials I was able to observe involved a man who was accused of witness intimidation in another case against him the court.  He was trying to have the witness against him kidnapped so that she could not testify in court.  If she did testify, her eye witness account of what he had done to her would surely convince a jury, causing him to spend a significant portion of his life in jail.

Witnesses are key to proving your case in court.  And as I studied 1 John 1:1-4 last week, I see how important witnesses are even in the Great Controversy.  The book of 1 John was written in part to combat some of the things that were being said at the end of the first century about Jesus that were not correct, ideas of gnosticism and such.  John is establishing that he has the authority to speak, authority to say who Jesus really is because he has witnessed Him, he has experienced Him.

In this day, where people say that Jesus is a great teacher, a moral man, but not the Son of God, the importance for each child of God to have not just an intellectual knowledge of our Lord, but an experience of Him, so we can testify to who He really is.

In the reality that is the Great Controversy, God is on trial.  He is on trial for not being the loving God that Scripture declares Him to be.  The jury is still out for those who have not yet made a decision one way or another for Christ.  As much as Jesus is our lawyer (1 John 2:1), representing us in our judgment before Heaven, we serve as an advocate, a respresentative for God’s character on this earth.  Not just as representatives or lawyers defending Christ, but witnesses to what He has done personally in my life, and in yours.

People are misrepresenting the character of God to the eternal detriment of those who come in contact with the felonious argument.  Can He get a witness to who He really is?

I do not get mad very often.  While I tend to be an emotional creature, anger is not one of the emotions that I frequently experience.  But I remember one time last year, while I did volunteer work as a secular campus missionary, I became angry.  It was a high stress situation, trying to coordinate a large number of students in a new area our team was unfamiliar with and unable to survey ahead of time to determine the best course of action.

I approached a friend to quickly pass an idea by him.  As I was talking, it appeared he was listening, but just when I really needed his feedback, he turned his head and responded to something someone else was saying, and laughed.  Then he turned back and looked at me.  The horrible feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach must have shown clearly on my face, because his complete countenance changed.  I could not believe it, he was not listening to me!  And he’d been listening to someone else!

We reconciled not long after that.  But this experience came back to mind as I was studying Psalm 116: 1-2:

I love the LORD, because He has heard
my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because He inclined His ear to me,
therefore I will call on Him as long as I live.

Knowing that someone is listening changes the way that we interact with them.  How often as a teenager trying to get parental blessing on something we didn’t think they would approve of would we slide the request past them quickly, while they were not paying attention, hoping for that nominal “mm hmmm” and run out the door before they realize what they just granted permission for?

Not so with God.  He is listening.  Anytime, all the time.  He doesn’t just hear.  He inclines His ear.  And this simple characteristic is enough for the psalmist to love the Lord and keep coming back to tell what is going on in his life.

If you know someone is listening to you, it changes what you say, how you say it.  It changes your expectations of the person you are telling.

As I reflect on this portion of Scripture, I realize two things.  First, I take prayer much too casually.  God is not a parent we’re trying to sneak by to get away with what we want.  He cares.  My prayers should reflect the fact that God is not just hearing, He is listening.

Second, because I am created in God’s image, I need to master the art of listening.  According to Psalm 116, a person who listens is a person worth loving.  A loving and lovable Christian is the best argument for the gospel.  So the power of the gospel to transform me must include the power to make me a better listener, which in turn will make me more lovable.  An attribute ingrained in my very being.  Even when a friend is talking my ear off.  Even when I’m the one who really wants to say something.

So, I’m listening.