It’s Not You

According to a recent New York Times article, this is the worst job market for legal employment in 50 years, even for those of us in the elite Top Ten. And I can feel its effects in my job search. And this job search is starting to seem a lot like worldly dating.

I go on date after date (interview after interview), putting on my best clothes, showing my best smile, pulling out my smartest quips and quotes in hopes of charming the guy (firm) into another date (callback interview).

After the initial date (interview), I wait. And wait. And wait some more. I begin turning into one of those mad women who I said I would never become. You know, the ones who check their phone all the time, wondering, “did he call back yet?” “Does he really like me?” “Is he the one?”

Some are courteous enough to let you know it’s not going to happen. He (the firm) lets you know (by sending a short letter) that as great as you are, affirming all of your great qualities (qualifications), things just aren’t going to work out between you two (you’re not getting a callback interview). But it’s not you, it’s him (the firm). He just can’t have that kind of commitment in his life right now (we have no jobs left–at least that we want to give to you). But he hopes you the best, he knows there’s someone who’s right, just for you (keep looking, kid).

And then there are the others. Who don’t get in touch with you. They have the strongest potential to break your heart. Because they haven’t sent a letter, your hopes remain high–they haven’t shut the door of possibility yet. But, you remain anxious, wondering if they too will send a letter, or even worse. A short, abrupt email.

Sigh. As a young woman endeavoring to live a godly life, I determined that I would never get myself trapped into these types of dating relationships. And as far as actual dating goes, avoiding this type of useless drama has been successful. But as aloof as I try to keep myself from the drama of the job hunting process, I realize that in part, I am getting drawn in. Anxiety creeps up. What if I don’t get a job? Why did I decide to go to law school? Why did the economy tank? What am I going to do?

I cannot sit back and wait for a job to come looking for me (trust me, if this were possible, it would be my approach, and considering the lack of resumes that I have sent out over the last few weeks, maybe I’m taking a more “biblical” approach to dating, I mean job searching). But, just as with all other areas of my life, I can trust that God will direct this aspect of my life in His time to the place where He can use me to bring glory to His name.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? …do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:24-34. (A quick observation from a search on my blog. I realize that this is the passage I quote the most from Scripture. Maybe I should change the name of my blog to “Meditations on Matthew 6:33” or “Matthew 6 in Practical Living.”)

So, while I know I must follow up with potential employers, explore new avenues of opportunity, I do not have to frantically walk straight to my mailbox after my last class every day, check my phone for missed calls every 10 minutes, or lament with my fellow 2Ls who are going through the same experiences I am. But I do need some accountability, because doing these things has become somewhat of a habit. Sad how there can be comfort in worry because it is something familiar. But I am going on a tangent I’d rather not at this moment. If you think of it, keep me in check, and if I seem to be worrying, remind me the theme of my blog (life) is “How I am Blessed by the Matthew 6 Experience.”

One Comment

  1. What a perfect parallel! hahah..
    But yes, walk through those law school halls with your head up high, coz God’s got your life!

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